Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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