I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
