so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
