I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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