The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
