I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
