So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Boobs are out for the taking
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
