Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Come share oat with me in your robe
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
