im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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