I will die if light touches me.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
