We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
