I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
