If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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