dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There r osticjed everywhere
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
