never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
