Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
