Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
