are you still at the devil's house?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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