i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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