I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
