In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
