I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
