see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
