i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
