My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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