Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
