i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
