she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We need to rekindle our bromance
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
