her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
