He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
