Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
