Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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