Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
