haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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