I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
