im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
