I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
