Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
