haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
