Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
