HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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