is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Your dad touched me again.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
