i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
