I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
