i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
