You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Couch. On fire.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
