just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
