Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
