She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
