I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
